Narcissist Projection Is Different From Author Reviews
Or how I come to realize that only the narcissist I lived with, specifically seeks to manipulate my anxieties, and not my readers.
I have a problem with accepting criticism. And they say when you accept you have a problem, is the first step to recovery. The problem is that in the online world, people frequently frame not taking criticism, and persecution complexes with being narcissistic: but there isn’t entirely accurate. There are people who can’t take criticism well, because they have survived living with someone who was extremely narcissistic.
I feel like lack of understanding of why people can’t take criticism, leaves victims of abuse in the shadows in a way. It’s why victims of abuse often feel like they have to explain themselves, while a narcissist feels like they are always right and don’t need to explain. We have a culture of victim blaming that enables actual narcissists to get away with calling victims of narcissists narcissistic. There is a lot of this culture in politics, but it applies in other areas.
Usually when you’re a customer, rarely do you ever actually know the author. That can be both a blessing and a curse; usually this means they might find certain patterns to be strange, but only comment on the fact that these patterns are common, rather than something to critique. In the same area, an editor usually doesn’t have time to consider the author’s intent.
In knowing a narcissist, I found that I’ve had the opposite experience from most writers; the more I got to know this narcissistic ex room mate, the harsher their criticism seems to become. In a sense, I almost do not trust when people don’t have anything to comment on. In a sense, I feel like I can’t really trust the silence when people don’t say anything. Because I’ve come to feel like unjust criticism of things that would ( in reality ) actually be impossible for the reader to know without specifically knowing YOU, is the norm.
For example, a reader is not going to know that I have a Shoe Fetish ( not to be confused with a foot fetish, although it is similar, but it comes from a slightly different place ), so they don’t have the opportunity to hyper nitpick on me “exposing the reader” to my fetish. With certain genres, the fetish that you have is almost the entire point: erotica makes bank on this fact.
Narcissistic room mate thrive on unsolicited criticism that goes beyond what an actual reader ( that you don’t know ), because they learn very intimately what makes you tick, and what you are specifically enamored with and love. This is why constructive criticism is not the same thing as manipulation. I have had to grown to accept the idea that readers don’t review you in order to manipulate you, however a narcissist this is always the case.
Narcissists blow criticism of you way out of proportion to reality, in order to make up for their own insecurities. There is some of that in readers as well, but a reader ( in most cases ) is not going to have the same opprotunity to specifically hone in on issues you are insecure about.
Because I expect the absolute worst, my mind automatically goes into the mindset that I am experiencing the absolute worst. When in reality, the only thing to a reader reviewers your work is their perception of it, and it isn’t specifically a personal attack on you. Narcissists, on the other hand, specifically thrive on blurring the distinction.
Readers ( and editors ) are your friends. Narcissists are your worst enemies. The critique comes from an entirely different place, and has an entirely different goal in mind.